Recently someone stole the American flag we’ve had flying outside our home for years. My wife and I each thought the other had taken it down because of high winds. Only later did we realize it had been snatched. The house doesn’t look right without it.

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My wife is upset because it means some ill-intentioned stranger came up off the street and onto our porch. At night. With the kids sleeping just above. Meanwhile I’m pondering motivation. Does this mean the thief is aggressively pro-American or anti-American? You could make either argument. Of course, the real answer is likely that the burglar was aggressively drunk.

Guess I’ll have to booby trap the next flag. Maybe use the exploding ink packs that banks put in their money stashes. Yeah, I like that. I bet Colbert would too.

One response to “Kleptomerican”

  1. Darren says :

    Are you sure it wasn’t for financial gain? There must be a pretty big black market in US flags. There’s hardly a news report goes by without someone somewhere setting fire to one. They must be getting them imported from somewhere.
    When people burn British flags, I get rather offended that they tend to be home made crappy looking efforts, they just never get quite the right shade of blue. The US ones, on the other hand, always look professionally produced.