Dear Mr. U.S. Customs Agent,
Given that this is Thanksgiving week, I feel it is appropriate that I should enumerate all the ways that I am grateful for our interaction regarding my Chinese purchases today.
Thank you for not putting my name in a database that would have ensured at least an hour-long customs detention every time I come back into the US for the rest of my life, as you threatened to do so angrily.
Thank you also for not putting a mark in my “file” that would have besmirched the records of “the next three generations” of my descendants, as you put it.
Most of all, thanks for assuming that I am hip enough to even know the difference between a brand name purse and a fake one. Beyond the obvious price differential, that is. You flatter my sense of perception.
In the face of all these threats I should of course thank you for letting me back into my country without arrest and with all my overseas purchases. You can be sure I will never go to that market again. I do understand that the rule of law is more important than making a few women in my life happy. And that the outrageous profit margins of corporate multinationals (even French ones like Louis Vuitton!) are as important to protect as our borders.
Thank you, thank you. It is all so much clearer to me now.