ORD -> PEK
Last week I was in China for work. Here’s the first in a series of posts that didn’t quite make it up in real time.
This is my third time to China in the past year, but only my first time doing it via a “normal” route. The first time was by going east from Chicago for work in Europe then continuing onward to the Far East and eastward still across the Pacific home. That was awful. Destroyed me. This past summer because of scheduling conflicts I had to take some godforsaken cattle-hauler out of LA at midnight. How pleased was I to be booked on a direct, non-stop flight from Chicago to Beijing this time!
You know, it still sucked. No matter how you slice it, 14 hours on an airplane is just brutal. And it does not help that United personnel appear to be defending their 2004 title of World’s Snippiest Flight Crews. Man, those people are just bitter. If they were half as chipper as their discount-fare faux persona Ted it would be bearable, but as it is now you feel like you’re imposing on the airline itself just occupying a seat that needs to be served a cold beverage.
Chinese law requires the occupants of inbound airplanes to be disinfected just prior to landing by flight attendants who run up and down the aisles with something like a cannister of Right Guard. But it ain’t deodorant. I don’t know what it is, or what exactly it does, but it is an endearing little welcome ritual. Like we’re being perfumed for entry into the presence of royalty or something.
More endearing still, in an odd way, is the mural of the Great Wall painted behind the stalls of the passport control agents that greet you upon arrival. Is it me or is the depiction of a massive rampart meant to keep foreigners out of your country (and ineffectually at that!) the best welcome mat for visitors? Welcome to China … it could be worse.
And the construction cranes! I have never seen quite so many in such density. Yes, I’ve heard that something like 60% of the world’s cranes are in Shanghai right now, but I figured that was exaggeration — probably is. But the Beijing airport is a veritable forest o’ cranes. Perhaps this is where they grow them? Perhaps they are prepping a new terminal for the Airbus A380 flying casino/health club/theater/plane?
One last thing before I nod off. The greeting of guests by name as they walk in the door of the hotel and the escorting of these guests straight to their rooms without stopping at the front desk and the checking in of these guests in the room itself — yes, all that, I love it. Wish all hotels would do that.
Zombie comedy
Some people with whom I’ve shared my Netflix queue using the new Friends feature think I watch too much horror. True, some of the worst movies I’ve rented fall into this category. Maybe that’s what makes Shaun of the Dead such a great movie. On the surface this British “romantic comedy with zombies” is just a parody of the undead-run-amok flick. But also in way it is a double-parody, implicitly mocking the now-established horror parody subgenre (think Scream and its offspring).
The movie is simply hilarious. A scene where Shaun argues with his slackass friend about which of his vinyl record collection they should fling at approaching zombies approaches perfection. And you just know the whole time that the final stand against the hordes will happen at the local pub.
Describing zombie behavior, one of the characters notes that they are “Vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who’s lost a bet.” This parallel between the modern slacker and the classic revenant runs throughout the film and provides seemingly endless fodder for joke-making.
OK, back to the crappy horror in my queue …
Colbert on NPR
Kinda fun interview of Stephen Colbert, Senior __________ Correspondent for The Daily Show, on Fresh Air today. It’s always nice to pull back the curtain on the fake news. But like seeing a radio DJ for the first time, listening to Colbert so eager to have a serious conversation was a bit disconcerting. He was funny, of course, but his asides knocked Terry Gross off-kilter a bit. Which is fun to hear in itself. Have a listen.
Moleskine mod
Moleskine notebooks are somewhat faddish right now, but damn they are useful. And there are plenty of sites out there that detail ways to make them more so. Moleskine hacks, so to speak. Here’s my own: a holding mechanism for the Fisher Space Pen.
I wanted a way to join the notebook and the pen so I would not have to dig for either when I need them in a pinch. The problem was that the Fisher has no clip and is very slick. So I bent a paperclip to snugly grab the pen where it’s sheath ends and affixed a rubber band to hold the other end. It ain’t pretty, but it works.
UPDATE: My little MacGyverism hacked me back. Turns out the paperclip snip created a flesh-digging edge. Must work on 2.0.
TivoToGo, VCR NoGo
Well, well, well. I woke to the long-awaited TiVo system update this morning so, naturally, I’ve been playing with the video extraction to PC all day. The interface, as you’d expect, is fairly elegant and pulling files down is simple, though painfully slow. When, oh when, will you not throttle all networking through a dinky USB 1.1 adaptor, TiVo? To my surprise, it is even fairly easy to circumvent the DRM so the video files will play anywhere and can be burnt to DVD without buying the special Sonic software. Best of all is that the TiVo box now includes a webserver (like my trusty Audiotron) which allows you to check your Now Playing queue and download video from any web browser. There’s even an XML version. This is all ripe for hacking; I can’t wait to see what projects sprout from this (undocumented!) feature. (I maintain that TiVo’s product launch was completely premature, though!)
The irony? In a project completely unrelated to TiVoToGo I spent way longer than I should have trying to dump a 7 minute DVD video to VHS for my grandmother. I couldn’t do it. The rewiring necessary to perform this seemingly simple operation was too daunting. It is like I have pushed off one end of the video technology spectrum with TiVo and can no longer get back to the other end. Ah, progress. Sorry, grandma.
Mine!
A few weeks ago we got quite a load of snow, but I was shocked to see not a single piece of household detritus placed in the street to claim a parking spot that had been carefully shovelled out. You see, the thinking here normally holds that if you go to the effort to excavate your car you shouldn’t have to cede the spot to some lazy schmuck when you drive off. This “tradition” of essentially claiming a property right for what is not yours is openly condoned by City Hall and often derided by suburbanites who love to highlight the irony of such un-neighborly conduct by the very citydwellers who bemoan the lack of sidewalk-centric community bonds in the suburbs.
Well, my worry was for nothing. This weekend we got an even bigger winter dumping (though not as big as what’s pounding the east coast) and, true to form, the crap is piling up in the street. Derelict couchs, two-by-fours, plastic lawn furniture — whatever can be tossed into the spot to prevent a would-be spot-stalker. There’d been some talk that gentrification was slowly killing this tradition, presumably because yuppies have garages and they like their streets not to look like the aftermath of a flea market. I’m happy to report that this does not seem to be the case. However, I will suspend final judgement on this trend until I see an altercation over a shovelled spot. (Certain brave drivers will actually move the impromptu barricades off the street to get a spot.) Only if the dispute ends in one neighbor deliberately icing another’s car with a hose will I consider the tradition to be thriving.
Jesus of the Sweaty Gym Bag
I’ve used this health club ID many times a week for the last four years but only today noticed this strange figure in the background of my photo. I know it ain’t Christ-in-a-tortilla, but I may have a supernatural totem on my hands here. Do I go to the archdiocese or eBay?
The Good Earth
There’s a possibility of upcoming work in China, so I’m trying to get a feel for the history, places, and people. I had read some “Complete History of” titles for the macro sweep view when Pearl Buck’s The Good Earth was released in a new edition. (OK, fine. It was for Oprah’s Book Club. Can I help it that she picked this book too?) It is a deceptively simple book about a farmer who achieves great success through hard work and love for his land while, periperhal to his rural experience, the country heaves and lurches toward revolution. The tale is reminiscent in a way of William Dean Howells’ classic American novel The Rise of Silas Lapham, though Buck’s story is made more powerful by the knowledge of what would happen to China after she wrote the book in 1931. Indeed, the final scene somewhat eerily presages the widespread seizures of land that marked the civil war and Communist rule.
Anybody have any other good titles on Chinese life, history, or politics?
Cityscape as graphic equalizer
This video is making the rounds and for good reason. Vernie Yeung directs the amazing visuals to Faultline’s “Biting Tongues.” At first I was reminded of those students at Brown who wired up the lights on the university library to play a building-scale version of Tetris, but I think what’s going on here is a projection of images onto a skyline. (The last frame is the clue.) Whatever Yeung did, it’s gorgeous.
(Thanks, Len!)
Parallel-o-gram
To the driver of Checker cab #5557:
Just a quick note of thanks for not killing my wife and son today as you hurriedly attemped to pass their parked car on Lincoln Ave. (Yes, I have two sons, but I’m rather fond of the blonde one you nearly mowed down.) I’m so relieved that you weren’t hurt and that you were able to get to your next passenger 4/1000th‘s of a second before you otherwise would have. Think of the potentially lost income!
Also, I wanted to say thanks for the legal lesson you gave my wife. True, it might have been more effectively delivered if you were not screaming and gesticulating threateningly at her, but I admit that I have no law training so I’m not totally qualified to comment on your rhetorical strategy. One correction, though. It is not actually illegal for doors on the driver’s side to be opened into traffic when parallel parked. However, a friendly police officer to whom my wife spoke did note that it was her responsibility to make sure that she was not blocking traffic in any way when opening the door. Can you believe she was actually trying to put our toddler son into his car seat from the same side of the car that it is installed on? I mean, that’s just lazy. She clearly should have climbed over the other car seat on the other side of the car and inserted said toddler long-distance style. Who cares if that’s a physical impossibility. That’s what sun-roofs are for, right?
So, I apologize for any inconvenience. As soon as I get home tonight I will reprimand my wife both for her ignorance of the law and for showing such vehicular effrontery to you and the entire taxi driving community in Chicago. Please know that if I am ever in your cab in the future — #5557, easy to remember — I will make certain that my feelings on this matter are made even more forcefully than this letter permits me. You have my word on that.
Sincerely,
John Tolva
PS – Given your legal acumen, we were wondering if you could outline the law’s position on stopping your cab in traffic to deliver a lecture on municipal parking regulations to a mom and her kid? Thanks!
Mission Elapsed Time: 20:00:21:06:42:40
I went back through it this blog (and my Flickr account) on its 20th anniversary, retracing digital footprints made on what feels like a different planet. Here are some highlights.
The Terror Tourist
A roughly monthly exploration of places in horror fiction — real or imagined, geographical or psychological — culled from The Heavy Leather Horror Show.
Subscribe to the podcast or the email newsletter or just read through the archives posted here.
The Ampcamper
How I hauled myself, two teens, an 80 lb dog, and a whole load of crap 4000+ miles across six states in twenty days using an electric vehicle. And survived to tell the tale.
